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The Mighty Commando, the Unmatched
The Man, the myth, the legend. The Mighty Commando (aka Sir Cumanod, aka Ligma Mama, etc,.), co-founder of the Bread Legion and the founder of the Gondorian-Woodmen bounty hunter’s league, was born from an ent (father) and a haradrim (mother). They raised him with care to make sure he could become the most epicest lieutenant to the bread lord, Sumre. They made sure he was breast-fed from Sauron himself so he could have the best possible milk for his body building, which began at 7 months old. When he became a young man he traveled to become a soldier of Gondor offering his service to the kingdom. The Epic Adventurous Story of how the Mighty Commando, the Unmatched became God Emperor of Gondor Obviously he’s too epic to fit into one wiki so we’ll talk about the basics, such as overthrowing the uncool and unepic people of the server by the age of 2. Upon journeying to Gondor he met a boar named Juan, which turned turned out to have supernatural powers. Juan the God boar and the Mighty Commando, the Unmatched were best friends that fought and traveled together throughout Middle-Earth. They cut down groups of orcs, throat-punched bandits, swung hands at vile men, punished whoever failed to give Juan the God boar sufficient carrots, and peed on those who lost in thumb war bets. Life was well for Juan the God boar and the Mighty Commando, the Unmatched. They thought, in all their power & strength,the were untouchable... The Day a God Died It was a sunny, warm day. Birds were chirping, cows were oinking, all was right in the world. Lord Commander the Mighty Commando, the Unmatched of Gondor, a ranger companion, and Juan the God boar were preparing to attack just a couple battalions of Uruk-Hai in Rohan. They journeyed across the water, which Juan the God boar could just easily run across. They made their way around & over the mountains, to the plains. They had come across their targets... They began slicing and dicing. Cutting down dozens upon dozens of Uruk-Hai. All was calm and relaxing, Juan the God boar even began to practice his “Yoga for the Warrior” as they easily chopped them down like a cook chopping up his ingredients for a nice soup. “I have taught you well, my apprentice” Juan the God boar called as he slapped an orc’s head clean off. Hours went by, the ground covered in blood, sweat, and broken armor of our foes, when suddenly a few dozen more battalions of Uruk-Hai with bows and cross bows. The pounding of their feet sounding like drums in the deep spelled out our doom. We fought, bolt upon bolt, arrow upon arrow whistled past Juan the God boar, protected by his majestic tusks. Fear was beating in our hearts as the whisltes became louder when *thwip* the sound of an arrow piercing the flesh of a creature. Time slowed down. I turned to my master, who trained me to become who I am today, was flanked with arrows & bolts, fighting for his life. I rushed to him, adrenaline pumping through my body as I sliced my way to him. The crowd was too thick (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). By the time I got to my master,he looked like a porcupine. His dying body fell into my arms. He had one final quest for me. “Go find summersharry”, struggling to speak. “He’s the empero- dictator-... king of the epic Woodmen. I foresee you will form a group that accomplishes great things together” We had no choice but to run. My ranger friend and I rushing the body of our good friend through the war torn field, miles to the citadel of Minas Tirith. Gasps of horror were around us. The next morning, a very rainy one at that, was the funeral of Juan the God boar. The cries of sorrow rang through the city of Minas Tirith, all throughout Valhalla and Olympus. The words stung more than the various wounds suffered the previous day. “In life and in death, Juan the God boar inspired all. Today we are here to honor his memory, and acceot the unfortunate truth of our good friend” the citadel’s bells rang, Loud and slow. Somber and dull, “Juan the God boar is dead.” Weeks had passed since the funeral of the Mighty Commando, the Unmatched’s master. Weeks of sorrow came and went. He decided to prepare for a long journey. A journey that would lead him to the edges of Mirkwood forest. He was going to go meet Summersharry, king of the Woodmen.